Lesson One 
Part Four
CONDEMNATION
Anger - is not only rejection of the situation. It also includes a conviction. When our children misbehave, we quickly move on from the "This can't be left so!" To "They're horrible children!"
For example, if we are angry at the child, that does not come when we call him, we are not only upset.
We do condemn and criticize the child for having called our concern. We may think:
"He heard me, and knew he had to come, why did not? Obviously, he does not want to listen. He's just bad! "Ascribing evil motives of the child, we are beginning to see the bad of him. Our anger is enhanced if we believe that our baby was acting so on purpose to annoy us, or that he can behave well if he wants to.
We are not always aware of the negative judgments that are the underlying reason of our anger. But when we recall all that we thought at the time, we can detect it. For example, if a child talks to us disrespectfully, we may think: "How dare he speak to me like that!" And although there are not expressed a negative assessment of the child, it is invisibly present. To reveal it, simply ask yourself, "Who is he to talk to me like that? (Bad boy!) ". And then, if we think, "He must not talk to me like that!" - Then you can continue the course of his thoughts: "And as he does so, he ... (terrible child!)". We do not want to admit it, but the reasoning is always such.
Annoyance and irritation cause the same negative judgments, but in a milder form. Evaluation is the same, but it is not as pronounced. If we take a scale from 1 to 10, it would place anger depending on the intensity range between 6 and 10, and irritation - 1-2 to 5-6.
In frustration we speak harsh tone. And if the child is adhering to his brother or sister, we say to him:
"Leave him alone!" Or she ignores the request to remove the plates from the table, "I think I told you to clear the table!" There are parents who have resorted to sarcasm irritation. Seeing that the child has a cup on the table, they are mocking note:
"I see you do not calm down until it is broken!"
Since the negative judgment during stimulation softer than in anger, it is more difficult to detect.
       UNBEARABLE  DISAPPOINTMENT AND LOW THRESHOLD RESTRAINT
Parents who are often irritated by children can suffer from low threshold restraint. And the reason for this in the belief that they are unable to bear the pain, inconvenience or frustration.
Parents with such a complex demand that their life has always been easy and comfortable, and they never had to suffer and worry. But the children in the process of growth endlessly bring troubles. They deprive us of sleep, they bind us to the house, they force us to do more work, they are a financial burden for us, and as they all have their own opinions, they often act differently.
And although we often would like to keep things differently, we can be quite happy if we learn to take the worries and frustration calmly. If wiping the floor from spilled milk by the child, we think, "What a terrible mess I have to clean up. This is terrible. I do not have to work so hard, "that in this case we can not get mad at what happened to the child, and that forced us to do all this extra work."
Thus, it is our claim that the situations that cause anxiety and frustration, do not exist, generates our anger. We continue to insist that everything is different, bearing in mind that: "Everything has to be the way I want, otherwise I just can not stand!" By themselves, the circumstances, which may cause annoyance or disturbance do not entail anger, if we do not say: "This terrible anxiety should not be."
Basically, for anger is the belief: "I want to have, it should be what I want." And if we do not get what we want, we are disappointed. Anger arises from the thought: "I can not bear that my desires are not  fulfilled!" So we fall into a rage when we insist that all must be quiet and that is the children who make the noise, or when we demand that children are well-behaved, and they are rude and unruly.
                                                                                                                               TBC