Lesson One.Learn to Control your Emotions.
Part Three.
Intolerance and impatience
Although such claims stand behind anger, they are not its direct cause. When we are angry, we do not just think that our kids do not behave the way we want it. We'll tell ourselves that it is "terrible" and that "we can not leave it like that." We demand our children to come immediately when we call them, and we cant stand when they do not do so. Or we want them to help us eagerly and happily, considering their displeasure in such a situation totally unacceptable. Seeing their faces we get angry immediately. The mother who sees her children fight, think: "They shouldn't fight that much," still perceive their encounter as unpleasant, but normal aspect of the relationship, and therefore this mother would not be so upset, as the other, who takes it as something "terrible "or" intolerable "*.
Do not confuse these expressions with the statement that they represent. Not only the words reveal our true point of view and determine our innermost feelings. For example, we can say "badly" or "intolerable", simply stating that the situation is unpleasant. Said with a sigh, "I can not stand this fight", does not mean they are absolutely unacceptable. But if we are furiously shouted: "I can not stand these fights" - that anyone can say that this is what we have in mind. Or we can say, "I do not like the look of this room!" Expressing deep aversion. But those same words in a different tone, can express a very different idea.
Thus, the mode of expression, the way we talk, sometimes reveals our true feelings more than the words themselves.
TBC
Part Three.
Intolerance and impatience
Although such claims stand behind anger, they are not its direct cause. When we are angry, we do not just think that our kids do not behave the way we want it. We'll tell ourselves that it is "terrible" and that "we can not leave it like that." We demand our children to come immediately when we call them, and we cant stand when they do not do so. Or we want them to help us eagerly and happily, considering their displeasure in such a situation totally unacceptable. Seeing their faces we get angry immediately. The mother who sees her children fight, think: "They shouldn't fight that much," still perceive their encounter as unpleasant, but normal aspect of the relationship, and therefore this mother would not be so upset, as the other, who takes it as something "terrible "or" intolerable "*.
Do not confuse these expressions with the statement that they represent. Not only the words reveal our true point of view and determine our innermost feelings. For example, we can say "badly" or "intolerable", simply stating that the situation is unpleasant. Said with a sigh, "I can not stand this fight", does not mean they are absolutely unacceptable. But if we are furiously shouted: "I can not stand these fights" - that anyone can say that this is what we have in mind. Or we can say, "I do not like the look of this room!" Expressing deep aversion. But those same words in a different tone, can express a very different idea.
Thus, the mode of expression, the way we talk, sometimes reveals our true feelings more than the words themselves.
TBC
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